The dirty weekend is on the danger list. According to a survey released last
week, two-thirds of Britain’s couples haven’t had one in the past year: a
quarter have never had one at all. The figures paint a graphic picture of a
disturbing downward trend.
And we know why. We’re bored. Whenever a list of “sexy” hotels appears in the
papers these days, it’s the same old bunch of celebrity hang-outs and slick
designer haunts. It’s routine — and as any good sex therapist will tell you,
routine is the deadly enemy of a good sex life. What we need is a little
variety.
So, we’ve come up with a shamelessly eclectic selection of wicked weekends.
There’s debauchery and romance, lusty log fires and priapic lighthouses,
literary erotica and saucy cinema — something for every taste and occasion.
Get out there and get frisky. The world’s a sinful place — and here’s where
to get your share
HOTEL PELIROCCO, Brighton
The traditional home of the dirty weekend has acquired a few stylish new
hotels of late, but for sheer sauciness, none of them can match the
Pelirocco. The most upfront room is Betty’s Boudoir, lined with pictures of
the cult 1950s bondage starlet Betty Page and equipped with a pair of
handcuffs attached to the leopard-print bed.
If that sounds a bit full-on, try the Bubble suite, with its circular bed ...
and circular mirror on the ceiling above. When you’ve a spare moment, peruse
the room-service menu: as well as traditional champagne and rose petals, it
also lists various battery-operated appliances (batteries are included,
thoughtfully) and a range of DVDs that would make even Betty blush.
Details: 01273 327055, www.hotelpelirocco.co.uk; doubles from
£90, B&B, Betty’s Boudoir from £120.
COMBE HOUSE HOTEL, Gittisham, Devon
Lascivious gimmicks are all very well, but if your libido leans to the
romantic rather than the raunchy, little can compare with a country-house
hotel.
We choose Combe simply because it’s gorgeous — no spa, no pool, no designer
names, just a perfectly intact Elizabethan manor in 3,500 secluded acres. It
offers award-winning food and only 15 rooms: our favourites are the quirky
Pitt, with its bed under a mullioned window; and the Willington, for the
thought-provoking four-poster. Both are straight out of the pages of a racy
period novel, with stunning views over a verdant valley where thoroughbreds
roam free. So rip those bodices and get busy.
Details: 01404 540400, www.thishotel.com; doubles from £148, B&B,
Willington from £320.
HOTEL DU VIN, Henley-on-Thames
Our readers love HdVs, telling us they’re stylish and good value, with a
degree of character you wouldn’t expect in a chain. But you haven’t yet said
they’re sexy. We can only assume that’s because not enough of you have
stayed in the Dom Pérignon suite at Henley. The bed is a colossal 8ft x 8ft
(and whatever anyone says, we know size matters), but that’s not the
clincher — it’s the spectacular wet room that does it. Converted from the
old brewing copper (the building originally produced Brakspear’s bitter), it
has the biggest showers in the land: two heads, each of them an enormous
24in wide. Either is easily big enough for a couple to get clean and dirty
simultaneously.
Details: 01491 848400, www.hotelduvin.com; doubles from £115,
room-only, Dom Pérignon suite from £275.
WEST USK LIGHTHOUSE, Newport, Gwent
If you’re a sucker for obvious phallic symbolism, you’ve got to love a
lighthouse. “West Usk is not as tall as most,” concede the owners, “but it’s
considerably bigger in circumference.” You can’t argue with that. It’s been
voted one of the most romantic B&Bs in the country, but it has a sensual
side, too — specifically in room 9, where the water bed will, if you use it
enthusiastically, mimic the motion of the ocean outside. Granted, the hotel
is a touch ramshackle, but that adds to the charm: it’s also friendly and
quirky (there’s a Dalek in the hall, for some reason), and, if you snuggle
down between the 2ft-thick walls while the first of the autumn storms rages
outside, the perfect love nest.
Details: 01633 810126, www.hotels.uk.com/westusklighthouse;
room 9 £98, B&B.
BALINAKILL, Argyll
Real fires are sexy things. For every log you chuck on, another layer of
clothing has to come off. Unfortunately, most hotels miss the point,
confining their open fires to the public areas — not half so much fun. At
Balinakill, though, 8 of the 11 rooms have their own real fires to romp by.
“We’re surrounded by trees, so it seems a shame not to use them,” says the
genial owner, Susan Macdiarmid. The place itself, an 1890s mansion with
lovely views over to the island of Islay, is not as posh as Combe House, but
it drips with oak panelling, polished wood floors and character. Hardy types
can go fishing or deer-stalking, or walk the lovely coastline.
Details: 01880 740 206, www.balinakill.com; log-fire doubles
from £90, B&B.
ABROAD
THE HOTEL, Lucerne
Being both Swiss and minimalist — an ardour-dampening double whammy — the
Hotel sounds unpromising. But no: it’s genuinely friendly, genuinely stylish
and sexy. With a touch of carnal inspiration, the French designer Jean
Nouvel has printed film stills from arty erotic classics on the bedroom
ceilings: Bertolucci’s Last Tango in Paris, Almodovar’s Matador and Buñuel’s
That Obscure Object of Desire.
Details: Book through Design Hotels (00 800 37 46 83 57,
www.designhotels.com); doubles from £155, room-only. Lucerne is 50 minutes
by train from Zurich: British Airways (0870 850 9850, www.ba.com) flies to
Zurich from Heathrow, Gatwick and Bristol; Swiss (0845 601 0956,
www.swiss.com) flies from Heathrow, London City, Birmingham and Manchester.
DAR MOUASSINE, Marrakesh
If exotic means erotic, you can’t beat Marrakesh. It’s an Arabian Nights
fantasy — rich, strange and just a 3-hour flight away: leave early afternoon
and you’ll be there in time to watch the sunset turn the city walls
blood-red from your rooftop terrace. There are dozens of riads (traditional
lodgings in the old city) to choose from, and most are fabulous. We pick
this one simply because it’s intimate (six rooms) and reasonably priced, but
still luxurious, with four-posters, painted ceilings, thick walls and a
satisfying feeling of antiquity: the subtlest of seductions.
Details: 00 212 44 44 52 87, www.darmouassine.com; doubles
from £58, B&B. Both British Airways (see above) and Royal Air Maroc
(www.royalairmaroc.com) fly direct to Marrakesh from Heathrow and Gatwick;
Atlas Blue (www.atlas-blue.com) flies from Gatwick.
THE LIBRARY HOTEL,
New York
A library? Yawn. But this book-stuffed boutique hotel on Madison Avenue
isn’t all worthiness and hush. The number 800.001 might mean little to most
of us, but librarians will already have twigged: under the Dewey
classification system, that’s Erotic Literature, and room 800.001 is packed
full of it. Casanova’s autobiography, the Kama Sutra and a slew of other
sensual classics line the walls, with erotic prints in between.
Details: 00 1 212 983 4500, www.libraryhotel.com; room
800.001 from £235, B&B. Continental (0845 607 6760,
www.continental.com) flies from Gatwick, Belfast, Birmingham, Bristol,
Glasgow and Manchester: from about £300 return.
THE PALMS, Las Vegas
Sin City has come over all family-friendly of late. Don’t be fooled: Vegas
is still America’s prime den of iniquity. Strip shows, swingers’ clubs — not
for nothing does the US porn industry hold its version of the Oscars here.
There are trashy flophouses aplenty, but for wickedness with a little style,
the Palms is the place.
It has the coolest nightclub, in Rain, and concerts at the Skin pool area,
while the Ghost Bar overlooks the city, but for your own private party,
splash the cash and get a Playpen on the 28th floor. They’re set up like
pole-dancing clubs — proper dancefloor, disco lights, Bose sound system,
mirrored ceilings — and the pole itself is (conveniently) right by the
king-size bed. Sleazy? Only if you do it right.
Details: 00 1 702 942 7777, www.palms.com; doubles from £72,
room-only, Playpens from £554. Virgin (0870 380 2007,
www.virgin-atlantic.com) flies nonstop from Gatwick to Las Vegas: from about
£550 return.
Yeah,the dirty weekend probably is on the danger list, but it ain't because we're all bored,more likely that a great many of us work in jobs where money and /or time off don't allow. That's why so many people like publications and websites such as yours to look, perchance to dream.......!
Libby Rodriguez, Chester, UK