Lunch at the Burj Al Arab is always going to be a decadent affair. There is a touch of Vegas (Las and Johnny) to the whole hotel with its acrobatic fountains in the foyer and its helicopter pad cum tennis court on the roof. But it’s the Japanese square strawberries on the plate that gains my shock and awe.

Boxed when young, the humble berry fills out the contours as it grows and now resembles the worst fears of Frankenstein foods. It is perfectly square, very tasty and nice with melted chocolate.

This type of thing is quite common in Dubai. That evening I looked at the menu of Traiteur in the wonderful Park Hyatt hotel and saw that the oysters were from Ireland, butter from France, jams from Vienna, wines from South Africa, France and Chile. Every meal was a United Nations with food miles measured in light years.

You don’t have to be here long to understand that anything is possible. It is an island of the imagination – Fantasy Island but without the annoying little midget. Of course if you are in any fashion green or eco-minded, it’s best to stop reading now because this place is a greenies nightmare. Huge resources are being spent – including the building of the tallest skyscraper in the world – to make a city from a desert. If it was a car it would do one mile to the gallon.

Then there is the designer label shower of consumerism in the vast malls. Buy more chains than Mr T in the Gold Souk – one ton of gold is sold there every day - or moody watches from Chinese sellers who whisper sales patter to you as they pass. There is little for the arty but plenty for the hearty and the wannabe WAG.

In the Mall of the Emirates - a huge hive of hundreds of shops – is also to be found 22,500 sq metres of snow, ski slopes and lifts. This bizarre phantasm has a high ceiling is painted blue, there are forested copses, glühwein is available at wooden panelled cafés. It feels like powdery snow underneath and there’s even that authentic screech preceding the snap of poles and the mutual smack of saloppettes as people tumble and writhe on the ground. It is below freezing and after a particularly warm day it is a real shock.

This was my first skiing lesson and just wearing the tight boots was enough of a turn-off but a large cushion on my backside would have been more welcome. Tuition was in Arabic and English and my likely lad skiers were locals and expat Brits with too much time on their hands.

The Lebanese instructor had the sang froid of a lost camel and gamely pulled me up from my favourite seated position again and again. I did learn something about skiing though - I won’t be doing it again. More accomplished skiers found the slopes invigorating if not too challenging. Frankly you would only visit for an afternoon but there were plenty of expats teaching their kids.

Then it was back to my hotel. Dubai seems to be organised by hotels. Hotels are the social hub of expat Dubai and any business seems to be transacted there: hotels are one of the few places where alcohol is permitted. I was told that people become social alcoholics because after they worked hard, they play hard as well, go out in the evening to a function and surrender themselves to a bottle or two.

To save myself from the bar I had my first golf lesson at the Dubai Creek Golf and Yacht Club. Most of the instructors are Scottish and my instructor Simon Mees hails from the east of Edinburgh. The course has been remodelled in recent years to keep it fresh and challenging for regular golfers: courses are springing up all over Dubai.

Using a seven iron and irony Simon teaches me the basics and even uses a video in the Golf Lab to improve my swing. This allows me to see how ungainly and useless I now look in my second new sport in one day. But I do have the consolation of hitting the ball. I return in the evening and have a little practice and am joyful at twice being able to hit the golf tractor as it whizzes about scooping up the balls.

Now the Hyatt even offers polo but due to the skiing and golf I had no muscles left with any feeling and what remained didn’t need the impression of a saddle as well. Go to Dubai and try something new.

FACT BOX

Virgin Atlantic flies from Heathrow and offers Upper Class return fare including taxes and charges from £1,736.20, Premium Economy from £648.20 and Economy from £278.20. Stay at the Park Hyatt Dubai which offers a Park King from £200.

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