Dear Tanya
My six-year-old daughter has a problem that I fear may affect her social
and psychological development, as well as her performance at school. She has
developed a heavy growth of very dark hair on her legs, and she is very
self-conscious about it. Her friends have quite innocently begun to pass
comment and she is becoming increasingly aware of it. She avoids wearing
dresses and short trousers wherever possible, and when she does wear them,
her confidence is markedly deflated. My fear is that as she grows older, the
innocent remarks may become more barbed, and will have an increasing
influence on her life. I have spoken to our family GP and expressed my
concerns, but he basically dismissed them, saying that all children have
something they are uncomfortable with, and she will have treatments readily
available to her in later years. My daughter is a happy and generally very
confident child who participates in many varied activities, so it is very
difficult to watch her confidence become so affected in situations where she
feels people will be looking at her body hair. She has recently been invited
to swimming parties, but makes excuses for why she shouldn't go. Are there
any acceptable treatments for a child of this age?
Simone
You ask an important question. It hits at a number of issues central to
raising our daughters in this culture of precocious gender maturity, and it
also brings up important cultural questions about what it is to be female.
There are a number of perspectives on this issue that range from the medical
to the social to the feminist. To begin with, it is important to exclude any
biological reason for excessive hirsutism. Hirsutism in women and girls can
be defined as a few dark chin hairs to a full beard and chest hair.
Clearly there are those whose cultural background will predispose them to
greater hair growth via hereditary factors, however there are other reasons
that may also need to be excluded. For most females, excessive hair growth
is due to elevated levels of androgens (male hormones) in the blood, or it
could be that a female with normal levels has hair follicles that are
hypersensitive to testosterone. If you have concerns, ask your doctor to
refer you to a paediatric endocrinologist.
But whatever the explanation, many women (young and old) find the whole
subject of body hair embarrassing, and indeed it is difficult to get an
accurate perspective on the prevalence of hirsutism in women because many
will not talk about their hair and instead find methods to remove it. Some
doctors find that patients come to see them only when they are deeply
unhappy with their body hair and find that it is profoundly affecting their
self-esteem, social lives and even mental health - this takes our thinking
into broader social and cultural perspectives.
Hair removal is big business. Annual spend on such products is estimated to be
in excess of £300 million, with an ever-expanding market targeted at girls
and young teens. How should we think about this? Should we throw our hands
up in despair alongside the early feminists who defined this as the
exploitation and oppression of women in societies where what it is to be
female is defined by predominantly male ideals? Or do we accept that this is
how notions of femininity are evolving?
It seems to me significant that women buy these products for themselves, and
indeed mothers buy them for their daughters (alongside the pre-teen
magazines with free make-up products). So which gender is perpetuating this
narrow definition of female beauty?
Last year, the American Psychological Association published an interesting
study that looked at self-esteem in girls, given the increasing pressures to
conform to gender stereotypes of beauty from a younger and younger age. The
lead researcher, Eileen Zurbriggen, has reviewed 15 years of research and
concluded that being bombarded with images and products that sexualise girls
is damaging a generation of women.
The report describes a “pervasive culture” that focuses on the female body and
“saturates” us with images of the beauty ideal from a very young age.
Zurbriggen describes how women are at risk of “feelings of shame... and
dissatisfaction” about their bodies. This can create depressed, eating
disordered and less sexually assertive young women. There is also some
evidence that girls who are preoccupied with body image do less well on
cognitive tests.
But does this mean that we should all stop shaving our legs before we become
cognitively compromised and slide into mental health problems? Well, clearly
there are those women who will always be susceptible to such difficulties,
and there can be no doubt that the pressure to look and be a certain way as
a woman can add considerable pressure to those who are already vulnerable.
However, it also appears that girls are increasingly resilient to such
messages - they are aware of them and debate them openly.
I suspect that the biggest risk to your daughter at the moment is the teasing
she is beginning to receive from her peers and the dawning of the idea that
there is something “different” and “not right” about her.
Children can be cruel without meaning to be - they see the world in very black
and white terms, and they lack impulse control. This means that they often
say things that are very hurtful to others they identify as different. Today
it is the hair on your daughter's legs, tomorrow it might be the glasses or
braces of another child.
Dealing with being different and how other people respond to that is a skill
for life; having the courage to be oneself is crucial for strong
self-esteem. We want our girls to hold their heads up high and say no to
pressure from those who want to control or manipulate them. We hope that
they will define and value themselves as more than just their external
attributes.
I too am the mother of a daughter and grapple with such issues for her in this
age in which she and her friends are under unending pressure to grow up
earlier than we ever did. Like you, I find it alarming at times, but
actually that makes me more determined to equip my girl with a strong sense
of who she is by talking to her about the choices available to her and the
way she wants to deal with them. In my experience, anxious parents who say
nothing (flight) or argue incessantly with their children (fight) will often
end up pushing them in the opposite direction.
There are ways in which you can safely remove your daughter's hair, eg,
shaving or depilation. However, you need to think carefully about why you
would do this and if you did, how you would do so in a way that would help
your child to a) not feel ashamed of her body and b) learn to believe that
the opinions of others about our bodies are less important than our own.
It's a tricky one for us parents of girls. Actually, it is also becoming a
challenge for those of us raising boys - recent research shows that 20 per
cent of British men remove some body hair, and their numbers are increasing.
Clearly the traditional norms of masculinity are now under threat as well.
My daughter has been teased at school for almost two years about her dark, thick hairy legs. She is now 7. I bought her single blade razors and her 'own' cream, sat her down on the edge of the tub and taught her the basics. I want her to know she can come to me-preparing for future (bigger) issues.
Holly, WBL, US
How can association with any given culture possibly impact on the biological make-up of a person or their propensity for hair growth? Something bizarre and disturbing about the choice of wording there... if you mean ethnicity, please don't be afraid to say so
Peter , Liverpool, England
Has no one heard of tights? Be they real tights or leggings, they are an alternative to going bare legs. Or knee-high socks can work too. I think it's a bit early to be doing hair removal. Use clothing to deal with the issue until a doctor can determine whether there is an underlying problem.
Jamie, London, UK
I had a school friend (this was about 1960) who had very white skin and very black hair, and her parents refused to let her shave it--we were at that time about 13. She was distraught. I asked my mother about shaving my legs, and she said, "Of course, just go ahead." I was always grateful.
Jeanne, Paris,
And after nearly 50 years of shaving my legs every other day (I disagree that it makes the hair more obvious), I'm now in the process of having it lasered off. The pain of waxing is too much. I prefer the legs smooth. Just do it.
Jeanne, Paris,
I had very hair legs, upto an inch long, from when I started school and as a result, never had friends, as I was ape girl. I started using hair removal cream at 9 and the moment the hair was gone all the bullying and nasty comments stopped. The only reason I wouldn't shave is incase she gets a cut.
Anne, Nottingham,
I got teased at school too, this is so heart renching that only hairy women can emulate, I shaved my legs with my dads razor because of bitchiness when i was young and have constantly been plagued by the intimidation of silly hurtful girls. what a nice mum to take this so seriously because it is
anne glen, goslar, Germany
My 7 year old daughter has very hairy legs and arms too. She knows this is because she has red hair and very fair skin so this is nature's way of making sure her skin doen't burn. She actually said, 'isn't nature kind to give me extra hairs to protect me'. Help your daughter develop self esteem.
kate, George Town , Grand Cayman
Get her waxed. My daughter has been taunted and called 'ape' by the most horrendous boy at school - even though her hair is fine and blonde on her legs and arms. So to save her from further embarassment and humiliation I got her waxed and the look of happiness was priceless.
Babs C, Shepperton, Middlesex
I have to say I had this problem and it made me miserable. Try using hair bleach, or perhaps one of those hair removing discs (like sandpaper) if shaving seems too much. Epilators are greta but maybe too painful for a child. Good luck!
Name withheld, uk,
Nothing to worry.keep patience.
Syed Sharique Moiz, Sana'a, Yemen
I actually choose not to shave or wax my legs or underarms, but in a school environment I think it's for the best. She can choose not to wax when she's older, but the damage that this kind of thing can inflict through bullying and such can have some long term effects. Good luck with this.
Sally, Truro, Cornwall,
From the age of 12 I was called "Tarzan of the Apes" by all the girls at school because I had hairy legs... and we're not talking below the knee only, but all over. I wore thick tights all year round and stopped all sport because I hated wearing shorts and swimsuits.
Lex, London,
If leg hair is left alone it's significantly less noticeable than stubbly-legs. It's silky & often turns golden-brown.
If you don't use facial "cleansers", then your zits clear up.
Women who slather themselves in beauty products have never seen how much more beautiful they really are without them.
Eleanor Finley, Washington DC, USA
Start waxing. I wish my parents had waxed me from Day One. Today, I'm twenty-four, still obsessively self-concious about my hairiness and convinced that it defines my relationship with everyone I went to school with. Sure, I can remove it now... but I can't get back the first eighteen years!
Lindsey, Cambridge,
With all due respect Mike - childhood bullies cannot usually be told to 'rack off'! ? Anyone who has been bullied will tell you that!Bullying can have a long term effect on a person's confidence and social abilities - from the article it's clear the primary concern is the child's happiness.
Gemma, Notts,
she's six! What's wrong with you people! Are you seriously suggesting this woman should "help" he six year old daughter shave her legs!!??
This is sick.
Danielle De Feo, Singapore, Singapore
How about a half way house? Keep the hair, but die it to blond so it is less obvious, products are sold for this.
Christine Frati, St Cyr, France
Yes, get another opinion, preferably from a woman doctor. Then go to a reputable beautician to have the hair removed by waxing. This will eventually reduce the regrowth, especially if a hair growth retardant is applied. Don't shave - it will only make the regrowth appear stronger.
roey fleming, seravezza,
I agree with what people have said, get a second opinion and then if it is really affecting her, depilate/wax. Waxing is best because it takes out the root so it has to develop before the hair can grow back, in turn grows back weaker, eventually disappearing altogether! Up to you though.
Seetal Udeshi, London, UK,
I would have her hormone level checked, this could be indicative of a hormone imbalance that can be remedied.
Monique Ciochetto, Singapore,
How is one's cultural background correlated to one's genetic predisposition to hirsutism? I would like to know which cultures exactly make you more predisposed to excessive hair growth. I've always assumed culture and biology are not related. Perhaps a new definition of 'culture' is in order here.
Max, Essex,
Don't count on teachers to stick up for her, even if it is the other kids who are in the wrong. I suggest teach her a few good comback lines, follow through and rehearse them with her so she can defend herself fluently when teased.
And go to another doctor for 2nd opinion. Good luck.
Jamie Howlett, London,
I think before you do anything, have a really serious talk with her about why she feels that she has to get rid of it.
Talk to her about the fact that hair on our legs is natural and that there is no reason why she should feel guilty. It can really interfere with her life and will cost so much.
Serian, London, England
I started shaving my legs when i was 10 because of other people , but now my legs are just horrible the hair grows really thick and dark i'm now 37 I never go swimming hate wearing dresses and i get through epilators like tooth brushes .Dont shave her legs it will ruin her life
REBECCA, edgware,
What about hair lightening creams for now?
gabriella, London , UK
I would definitely say wax. I also had very hairy legs from a young age as did my mother.
She took me to have my legs waxed and made it into a treat. 15 years later and I barely have any hair growing on my legs at all as waxing weakens the follicles. Wax DON'T SHAVE !!
Name withheld, London, UK
Steve - London.
Nice to know I'm not the only one who had that reaction. Talk about politician's response. The poor woman could have had that advice from her friends - what was the point of writing to a doctor?
R Wells, London, UK
can you not just leave her to be a six year old and tell the teasers to rack off ? This article is revealing for the image obsession displayed by the parent !
mike, perth,
I am not generally hairy, but since taking the Pill I have had a lot of dark hair on my arms-I don't want to wax or shave them, so i have just used mild facial hair bleach on them-it lasts for months. I would have thought this would be the best solution for the little girl-not razors!
Jessie, London,
Try the non-invasive Silkymit. However the problem is not your child's legs, but her friends. If she removes the hair, I guarantee that the children will tease her about the fact of its removal, so she still won't wear skirts. Speak to the school and the girls' parents about the bullying instead.
Kate, Oxford,
I think we analyze things too much. My daughter 7, is blond with longish fuzzy arm, leg and back hair. From personal experience, I know about being self conscious. Without much ado, I would buy a hair removing cream and remove the hair. Your child will be happy and more confident. Its easy.
mandy , Tonbridge, UK
I would actually say wax rather than shave. Or use another longer term product. I started shaving at 10/11, and now I regret it. The hair is so much worse. Occasionally I epilate, but if not, I have to shave almost every day. What a nightmare!
Nikki, London,
You might want to consider bleaching her legs. A lot of Asian girls do this to arms and legs. Boots do a hair lightener. Needs doing about every six weeks. Completely safe.
Sabiha , Witney, Oxfordshire
find out if it's a medical issue first; then do the necessary hair removal treatments. of all the time in one's life not to be self-conscious and upset, childhood is it. btw, i consider myself a feminist and i do shave; it's stupid and reductive to apply the tenets of feminism to outward appearance
Laura, London,
When I was in junior school my best friend started to develop really hairy legs, instead of hair removal they bleached the hairs and were not really that noticeable until you got close up, and with them being light it didnt seem too bad. She ended up never shaving her legs and always wore shorts!
a sutcliffe, doncaster,
Six is too young to start hair removal, if it is really that bad then it is a medical condition. I am having this argument with my 9 year old but I am not convinced it is all about the hair rather the image. For the 6 year old I would definitely insist my doctor made all the necessary checks.
Clare, London, GB
And if not electrolysis, hair removal cream would probaly be the best thing - as it can be called a special cream, akin to moisturiser, and not something as alien as shaving or painful as deliapidation or waxing.
KSA, London,
I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and spent my youth being cruelly targeted for my hirsuitism - especially when my boobs kicked in ahead of the others and the trannie jokes started up. My parents didn't help with it, and in fact teased me themselves. I am now bipolar with serious selfesteem issues.
angela, norwich, england
First get a second medical opinion. Then I would let it go this year, since there's not much of a Summer for shorts and skirts anyway and next year if she's still upset start shaving/depilating, but only in the Summer months.
paula, london, uk
Definitely go to the doctor to check any medical cause. It might be a symptom of something.
Once that has been done - hair removal cream or just a quick shave every so often.
I believe that everyone has something mentally and physically wrong with them. By mentally, I include phobias.
Tina, Dusseldorf, Germany
What? only 20% of men shave? (i assume the face is part of the body)
eric, paris,
Personally, I'd talk to another doctor- preferrably a female GP to eliminate medical causes and then if everything's fine, help her shave her legs. Probably 90% of women shave their legs in Britain anyway-she'll just start a bit early-I don't think it means she's being sexualised.
V Neblikov, London, UK
This 12 year old girl, pained to be accepted,not ridiculed. You want her to flaunt her 'hairy legs,' shout 'here I am WOMAN, see me roar!'
That's not her game plan...she wants to be on an even playing field in the terribly cruel world of adolescents fighting for dignity.
Depltors now. No brainer
mindybeede, san francisco, usa
God talk about over engineering the problem.
Get that cream my girlfriend uses and it burns the hair off.
It's not a matter of changing her for society, as you have already chosen that path for her. Stick to your obligation as a parent and don't ostrasize her from such a young age. IE: Shave:P
Alex Penn, Kingston upon Thames, UK
So was that a yes or a no?
Steven, London, UK
Simone - I had this on upper lips, legs & arms (still do :-). My mum waited til my SISTER upset me wirth Hitler jokes before treating me to a course of electrolysis when I was 15 (back in 1987). We even kept it a secret from sister and it became our little 'game'. Love her forever for doing this!!!
Ann, London,